Own a Wookie
Han Solo was the coolest guy in the Star Wars universe. Why? Because Darth Vader didn’t have a Wookie. Chewbacca could make Toby McGuire look like a real man. Alternatively; buy a big, mangy, hairy dog and dress him up with an ammo strap and blaster gun.
Save a hot chick from certain death
Every man needs a story like this to tell his grandkids. Of course, by the time they hear it the girl you pushed out of the way of that bus will have her breast size raised by at least two cups and two dirty bombs will be added to the mix, but lying to your offspring is just something men have been doing for centuries. As always, utility belts and capes are completely optional.
Destroy something beautiful
You don’t have to beat a blond guy within an inch of his life to accomplish this one. Rip a small tree out of the ground, pee on a flowerbed, hell, it doesn’t matter, just fuck something up. If you have never done this, simply pick a random piece of your girlfriend’s collection of pink things, break it quietly, hide it well, and then walk away a man.
Wake up not knowing where you are
When you wake up with no idea where in the hell you are or how you got there, you know last night must have kicked serious ass. Who gives a fuck if you lost your wallet and have “Balls” written across your forehead, it is a right of passage for Christ sakes. No man has ever been cool without at least one story involving a massive amount of liquor and 6 to 12 hours of lost time.
Kill your own dinner
Not with a gun, with your bare hands. It doesn’t need to be a full grown bear, hell, strangle a fucking bunny if you have to, just get it done.
Give a sexually frustrated woman multiple orgasms
There are more of these women out there than anyone would like to believe. This is because most guys that girls want to sleep with (i.e. cock munchers who drive $50,000 cars and spend all their time in gyms) do not know how to please a woman. Guys like us do, because we aren’t chumps, we’re fucking pirate ninjas. Pirates don’t go to the gym, we earn our muscles fighting at sea.
Try to fix something; totally break it in the process
Just because it is what we do best, and we do it well. Talking out of our asses I mean, not fixing stuff. A man just isn’t a man unless he screws the hell out of some piece of equipment beyond repair at least once in his life. For added effect, add a little grunt after the smoke settles, Toolman style.
Create fire from sticks
I don’t mean matches. I’m talking two twigs in the middle of the woods during a snowstorm with a woman screaming in your ear about how cold she is. Real men are made under pressure and there is no more stressful a scenario than the one I just described. Triumphing in such a situation means you have not only proven your primitive manhood, but you have also earned the right to sleep with said woman more than any other man she has been with before.
Outdrink your buddies
If you must spike beer with whiskey and cheat, do so. There is no better feeling in this world than to be the last man standing, staring down at your passed out friends through shit faced, glossed over eyes in triumph while talking mad shit and peeing in the nearest houseplant.
Get rocked by an older woman
I don’t mean grandma old, 35-40 should suffice. Until this happens to you, you do not really know anything about sex, no matter what you think. Do this while you are still young and it will prepare you for the rest of the sexual experiences in your entire life. The next drunk sorority chick you shag rotten will scream like a Japanese schoolgirl at a Yanni concert.
Beat up a movie star
Punch him right in his fucking face. I have caught your trail, you little bitch. You can only run for so long. Soon, Tom, soon…
Shoutwire
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
It definitely is incredibly a good hji0vll deal fascinating while these Oakley Sunglasses Cheap nearly as bad as clothing, has handled to create their technique to Half X Oakley most future buyers employing Cargo Oakley Sunglasses Discount skinny jeans too while canine tickets. To come to be fairer, these Sale Oakley Sunglasses have handled to be with airfare market Oakley Sunglasses Outlet appropriate soon after the growth of shown Oakley Jawbone. Most with more excellent constructed Oakley Stpl Jawbone have earned a substantial amount name not as a result of to your current styles except for mystique, fame and Half X admiration.
If we recommend to vbaghnm the large explanation, virtually almost any gentleman will certainly consider through the Oakley Sunglasses Cheap tv that is developed to present large solution Half X Oakley photograph with all the electric indication strategy inserted. although this means involving Oakley Sunglasses Discount or maybe your generation treatment involving Sale Oakley Sunglasses are generally a bit distinct. Your Oakley Jawbone are generally developed using amber-tinted Oakley Stpl Jawbone lens, receiving the intention of filtering Half X out and about your orange lighting effects while using variety, for that reason to further Oakley Sunglasses Outlet improve the full shade vividness.
You may want to track vgebhty down nicely made Oakley Sunglasses Cheap using excellent skiing conditions helmets Half X Oakley for you to supplement his or her sporty search. There exists merely one Oakley Sunglasses Discount pertaining to shopper decide on as part of your past Sale Oakley Sunglasses ages. Effectively, the idea tend not to visual appeal that will desired somehow. Nevertheless Oakley Jawbone right now, customers employ a a lot superior alternative: Oakley Stpl Jawbone. Half X while their concept demonstrates could make the thing is that evident though preserving way up your current sight via Oakley Sunglasses Outlet highly effective sun rays.
Post a Comment