Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Cocaine: A Different Perspective

We shall now take ShoutWire to a place it has never been before, delving into subject matter that is normally only spoken of in smoky back rooms and darkly lit alleyways, even then only in a low whisper. The topic today is cocaine, and we will take a look at it in a different light than most are use to. Instead of going on and on about the dangers of the drug and how it will ruin your life forever, like you have all heard a million times before, I have decided to play devils advocate once again and speak about the fun side of the chemical composition.

Yes, the fun side. The one they don’t tell you about in DARE class. Contrary to popular belief, if used in moderation you will not end up a toothless, homeless, sign wielding freeway dweller. That only happens when you decide that the next line is more important than rent. If you have this type of addictive personality, then you should probably leave the white whore alone. However, if one can handle their salt, so to speak, one could end up in all kinds of wild situations.

Fast women follow cocaine around like white on rice. While it is true that most of these women will care nothing about you and only be around for the drugs, it is also true that this is a very superficial society. It is a two way street, however, because if they didn’t have titties, they wouldn’t be getting free coke. Everything balances itself out in the end. At times, superficial friendships and relationships can be just as good as anything else available.

Sometimes, a binge is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. I say screw spending five grand on a weekend getaway to have some stupid therapist with fake ass diplomas tell you that you need more focus in your life, why not spend a fraction of that on an 8 ball and some hookers and work your frustration out the old fashioned way. You only live once. On that note, it is also a good thing to remember that very thing when deciding that the time has come to put down the 100$ bill and go home. (A good rule is to only do it when you have 100$ bill to use. That way you know you aren’t going to end up broke)

It is also fun to know that the money you spent will go to fund a brand new machine gun for little Timmy of the Columbian cocaine smugglers child army. You could argue the morality of that situation all night and all day long, but you would change your tune if you seen the way little Timmy’s eyes light up when he mows down the first farmer who doesn’t pay for protection with his brand new, shiny M-16. It is almost like you are playing Santa Claus to some poor South American kid without a family. How could you not feel good about that?

Right about now you are thinking “Damn, this guy sounds like Joe the crack advocate”, but you would be mistaken. It has been a while since I went all Tony Montana on a pile of white stuff. Also, for the record, smoking crack is dirty. I know, it sounds a bit hypocritical, but there is a very big difference. It is all about moderation (once every few months - not once every two days).

I hope you have either enjoyed or been infuriated by my take on cocaine. If you ever have a Sunday free and some hookers just happen to stop by, I recommend it fully.


1 comment:

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