Osama has spoken. He has offered us peace. He has also threatened to attack American soil one more time to prove his point if need be. What he failed to mention was that his niece is hot and her picture has quite possibly been defiled by every pre pubescent American boy in the western hemisphere with a copy of last months GQ and the inkling for a little bit of misguided fun. Take that, Osama.
He was subsequently told to shove his peace offering back in the orifice it came out of and I’m not talking about his pie hole. He couldn’t possibly have thought anyone in the U.S. government would actually take him seriously. Anyone who has ever watched an action movie knows that the United States does not negotiate with terrorists. How silly of him.
Maybe he should have offered us more pictures of his niece, or maybe a nice sex tape to go on our beloved internet. Did anyone tell him that the internet is the only way to get the attention of the American people? Maybe Bush would counter with his own amateur porn involving his daughters or perhaps his semi sexy niece Lauren?
Here is an idea. How about Lauren and the Bin Laden niece, me, a huge pile of cocaine, a webcam, and a live internet feed all locked in a room with a bed and a lifetime supply of female Viagra. Give me three hours and I would have the two idiot leaders agreeing on one thing if nothing else. That I am a right bastard.
A stunt like that would either get me executed by both sides or elected to the newly formed office of king of the world. You see, ideas of the like are representative of the feelings of millions and millions of immature, porn happy internet dwellers all over the world. It’s just how we think. Politics are boring, sex is t3h r0x0r$!!!
Ok, maybe I went too far with that last line, but I’m merely illustrating a point. If we take this situation too seriously all the time, then the religious zealots who are in control of both sides of this conflict have beaten our free spirit. It could be just about time to have a little bit more fun with this ridiculous conflict.
By shouting this story, you are sending a message loud and clear to the leaders of the world. We want your nieces, we want them naked, and we want it available for download everywhere.
Oh yeah, Lauren, Miss Bin Laden, if you are reading, I got a pile of cocaine, two bottles of wine, and a high-end webcam setup already, and I’m ready to end this war with a little bit of hot lesbian lovin’! E-mail or text message me and we'll talk!