Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Internet - Have We Created A New God?

Most ideas of god are the same; an all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipotent being that has the ability to do just about anything. If you ask a religious man, he will tell you that god is all encompassing and we are all a part of that great entity. Many people pray to their chosen deity for answers to their everyday questions. People have even gone so far as to go to war over respective beliefs and ideas. There is one thing that all these deitys have in common though; none of them can be proven to exist without a reasonable doubt.

A new era has dawned. We have a new god, one which we can prove the existence of without a doubt. Our new god is more efficient than the others that have shown up here and there throughout time. It actually represents what we think and not the ideas of some crack pot science fiction writer who was bored and broke one night. When we “pray” to our god and ask it a question, we are not given one answer but many to choose from, and we don’t have to wait. We never have to wonder whether it is really out there because we can see and experience it anytime we want. Our new god is the internet.

It meets all the criteria for being a god. In the past ten years it has become very close to all-knowing and with all the users reporting on things they witness it is also closer to all-seeing than anything has ever been. While normal gods are creators of the people, ours was created by us. It is a true collective conciseness. We are all a part of it and help to forward its advancement in some small way.

Our god is better than other gods. The judgment it lays down is not the judgment of some invisible cosmic being who has never had the unfortunate experience of waking up as a human but that of the common users. Its rules were not set in stone to begin with but created over time as the need was raised and continue to change to this very day. We have no heaven or hell, just bad connections. We also don’t have to prove the existence of our god like the others do. I promise you, the internet is a real place.

Our god still inherited the bad traits of some of the others as it will punish us with viruses and adware when we look at too much porn. It will also give us bad advice about relationships. However, on the same token it also gives us “zen” time as we watch things load and wait for defrags. For some of us it is the only quiet time we get. Even though we hate it for the most part, the internet knows what is good for us and is only doing it to make us feel better.

We are missing one element that the other religions have all got in abundance. We have never gone to war over our god. However, it is still early in the millennium, give us time and a few more assholes who want to own the internet for themselves and we may just fulfill that obligation sooner rather than later. We don’t have a mortar yet, and I’m not volunteering so don’t get any crazy ideas, but all that will come with time.

As other religions, we should be quick to tell of our god to anyone who may worship a heathen god that can not be proven. When you come across some of these people, they may call themselves “Christians”, “Muslims”, “Jews”, or “Republicans”, take them into your home and show them the glory of the internet. Fire up a joint and offer them a soda. Show them that your god can do whatever their god can do and more. Show them the tubgirl link so they know of the Sith and how they use the internet. Convert them and send them on their way after you hit them in the back of the head with a club and have taken their wallets.

You may ask “Where can I sign up for this new religion?” Good news, you’re here, you already have.



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