Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Zero’s Twisted Mind: “Let’s Go Back To Fighting With Swords!”

There was a time, centuries ago, when war meant you had to find the other guy and run him through with three feet of cold steel if you wanted to be declared the victor. No smart bombs, no GPS, not even guns. Just a bunch of riled up mean looking guys who haven’t showered in a long time and some pointy metal objects to stick each other with. Sometimes the odd man would get set on fire. Shanking was all in good fun.

Those days are long gone. In this new age of technology, a guy could blow up an entire village without ever having to set foot in the country it once called home. A few hundred years ago, that same guy would have to show up like Rambo with a ninja ax and cut everyone to their faces. That takes balls, not only that, but it also takes a real sickness. A level of dedication must be reached for an undertaking like that. That is a place not a lot of people are willing to go. Taking away the guns and bombs would separate the men from the guys who are just trying to get money for college.

I know what you are thinking, and of course it is gruesome. War isn’t supposed to look pretty. You could watch the guy beside you get cut and die over a month’s long period from gangrene. Don’t expect to keep all your limbs either. Also, make sure to get plenty of fluids in you before the battle because “timeouts” are not allowed. Oh, and if your team loses, don’t expect a rematch. You will all most likely be dead. Not nice dead. Head-chopped-off-in-a-ditch dead.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying get rid of technology completely from warfare. I think we should have cameras stationed everywhere so we can all watch the bloody goodness. As a matter of fact we should all be forced to watch it. This is the type of warfare that you must see the direct actions of up close in order to fully appreciate. If we all got to be a part of the fun maybe then we would research just a little bit before voting on our elected officials.

Maybe we wouldn’t be so patriotic if we got to see little Jimmy from down the block get drawn and quartered by a mob of large, smelly, bearded men. Or maybe it would be just the opposite that disturbs us. What if we get to see little Jimmy go psycho and murder a bunch of guys “Deliverance” style, farm sex and all? Not a pretty mental picture, is it?

I say we put down the guns. Fight it out like men and make everyone watch. Kids, old people, prostitutes, Superman’s grandmother, even the people who aren’t involved. The only way to create peace is to show the world what war really is.

We could always take heart in the fact that if this didn’t create a nice, peaceful Earth in a hurry, then the human race is destined to destroy itself anyways. At least then we would know for sure.



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