Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Will We Have To Fight For The Web?

In case you missed the signposts, you have now entered the bad part of the internet. The people here don’t want to be your friend, we are not here to listen to you whine, we could give two shits about your opinion, and if you don’t have thick skin, we may just send you home crying. This is far from MySpace, so check your souls and all your tears at the door. Things like that do not belong here.

We are the worst society has to offer. Don’t get it twisted, were not criminals or thugs. Most of us have respectable jobs and lead nice, normal lives. However, who we are during the daylight hours makes no difference here. As soon as we get home and log on, we become entirely different people. We are the ruthless, uncaring masses. We are the pirates of the true final frontier. We are the future of freedom in this world. And there are millions of us.

This is our playground. This is where we pWnz. Get off your tricycle and you might just get robbed and beaten. Not even the largest of corporations can handle us here. This is our battlefield. Our home court. Our universe. We make our own rules and enforce them ourselves. Cross the wrong one of us and the nice little black box you paid a grand for just might not work tomorrow.

We were all n00bs once. We all learned the hard way not to click random links, usually via tubgirl or lemonparty. We also learned that everything here is free and there is no need to pay for anything. We have all became something different through our activities on the web. We have been chewed up, spit out, and reborn. Chuck Palahniuk’s uses of the metaphors “wad of cookie dough” and “carved from wood” is truer no where else than it is here.

We are the biggest sleeping giant this world has ever seen. While it is true that none of us can ever fully agree on any one thing, we are still united. All it takes is the catalyst. All we need is our great cause, that small noise in the night that awakens us all. All they have to do is keeping fucking with our online freedoms.

It’s coming, folks. I can see it just over the horizon. Corporations keep pushing us further and further each and every day. The storm is brewing. The kettle is about to blow. The next world war will be fought online. When it finally happens, we, the underbelly of the internet, will be the ones called upon to fight, and we will come out swinging. The battle will rage until it is finally over and we stand victorious.

Twenty years from now, when we see our grandkids online calling each other names and arguing stupid points, that is when it will all be worth it. That is when we will see the real fruits of our fight to protect our freedoms. That, my fellow pirate ninjas of the World Wide Web, is the real reason why we are here. Not only to create our future, but to preserve it for generations of assholes to come.

Welcome to web 3.0. Things might get a bit hairy. Most of us can’t wait.


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