Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Ten Reasons Why Israel And Lebanon Both Suck

1. They are both too far away.
If I can’t throw a rock and hit you in the head from where I’m standing, you don’t merit the entire front page of SW. Call me American, but that’s just how I feel.

2. Neither has a hockey team…
This is probably because they don’t have much ice, but still. I would be much more sympathetic to their causes if one of my beloved Avalanche players was traded to the Middle East for a Stanley Cup run.

3. Haven’t they been fighting for years anyways?
Since I was a kid anyways, and I’m 28. During the time they have been glaring across the border at each other, many countries have went to war and gotten over it. These people will not quit until they are dead. I say let them go at it.

4. I’m not a big fan of the desert.
It is hot, there is sand everywhere, and if the whole thing blew up, it would look no different. Maybe if they put some grass down, perhaps a few trees, and had a dollar margarita night like Casa Bonita’s, my tune would change.

5. People are dying here in the US…
We can’t even stop people from killing each other over crack in our own cities, what makes us think we can make any kind of a difference halfway around the world?

6. Neither has had a good party in years…
It is not like either place is a strong tourist destination. Like I said before, without the dollar margaritas, it really just doesn’t bother me if they blow each other up.

7. They don’t produce anything I care about…
My cell phone does not say “made in Israel” on it. Taiwan, Japan, China, and Mexico, now those are countries we should worry about. Neither Isreal nor Lebanon supplies us with cheap, quality electronic components. Until they get off their lazy asses and do so, they just don’t merit our attention.

8. Their food sucks…
Let’s face it, it is not exactly like they are producing quality burritos. Kosher is Israeli for “no taste”.

9. I knew a Lebanese guy once…
He was an asshole, and I think he still owes me some money. If you are reading this, fuck you, Kumar. Ok, maybe he was Pakistani or something.

10. They take up the entire front page of SW…
Yeah, you can’t tell me I’m the only one sick of this crap. Isn’t there some kind of discussion board somewhere for this kind of shit? Jesus fucking Christ people.


Shoutwire

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