Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Best Headlines You Will Ever Read

Zero is posting from internet exile. He will return soon enough.


Bush Found Guilty Of War Crimes
Geneva- Former President of the United States George Bush was convicted by an international tribunal Monday morning of crimes against humanity and mass genocide. He is to be sentenced later this year for his crimes in Iraq and recently discovered role in the 9-11 attacks. “Even though we have not seen one in years, the possibility of a firing squad has not yet been ruled out…”

Internet Neutrality Laws Passed
Washington- A new amendment was passed in a majority vote by Congress early this morning guaranteeing the neutrality of the World Wide Web. Investigations were also announced into the dealings of certain large internet service providers, including AOL and MSN. In addition to net neutrality, the amendment also states the distribution of spyware is to be considered a serious offense that allows for the offenders to spend prison time getting ass raped…

File Sharing Deemed Legal By Supreme Court
Washington- In a unanimous vote last week, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of internet users everywhere in their class action lawsuit against the MPAA and the RIAA. An unprecedented $200 billion fine was levied upon the entertainment industry for violating invasion of privacy laws. Despite the ruling in favor of the plaintiffs in this case, cocaine use amongst rock stars this weekend was not affected…

Bill O’Reilly Arrested On Crack, Child Pornography Charges
Colorado- According to his lawyers, the police roughed up the popular right wing television personality when he was arrested on charges of child pornography and possession of crack near downtown Denver Friday night. “There was an unwarranted full body cavity search and my client was repeatedly tasered,” said the high profile attorney outside of the courtroom Monday morning. According to the police, O’Reilly was hyped up on crack and threatening them while masturbating in the middle of a busy street…

Rare Plant Found In Rainforest That Cures Everything
Brazil- A team of scientists have confirmed that a rare psychedelic herb found growing wild in the rainforests of southern Brazil is indeed the miracle drug it has been called in the press as of late. The herb creates a LSD-like high when smoked and causes human cells to regenerate and repair themselves. The first batch of cancer patients began their trips early this morning…

Marijuana Legalized Worldwide
Geneva- In a stunning move Friday at a special session called by the United Nations, governments all over the world agreed unanimously to legalize the cultivation and sale of the hemp plant. Over the weekend sales brought in more money than all other industries combined and single-handedly repaired the world’s economy. In related news, everyone is stoned…

Science Finds True Origin Of The Universe
Rome- The group of scientists hired by the Vatican to prove the existence of God without a doubt did just the opposite last Thursday when they unveiled irrefutable evidence that the universe was actually created by a rogue group of garden gnomes. “Apparently, everyone was wrong.” One of the scientists was quoted as saying. The Pope was bathing in his Naziness, so he could not be reached for comment…

Superman Thwarts Terror Attack: Cheney Arrested
New York- A plane set to collide with the new World Trade Center was intercepted by the Man of Steel last Wednesday morning. Former disgruntled Vice President Dick Cheney was found to be controlling it remotely from a nearby public restroom. He was led away in handcuffs by FBI agents after getting slapped like a bitch in front of everyone by Superman…

First Contact Made: Aliens Bring Better Gaming Technology
Florida- NASA has announced early this morning that three astronauts made contact with an alien species last Tuesday while doing routine repairs on the international space station. “Their handheld technology was awesome,” reported one of the astronauts, “They had a gaming network running through the entire galaxy. When you get shot in the game, it actually hurts!” The purpose of the contact was apparently to announce a release date for their own gaming system to compete with Microsoft and Sony just before Christmas…


Shoutwire

7 comments:

Unknown said...

It definitely is incredibly a good hji0vll deal fascinating while these Oakley Sunglasses Cheap nearly as bad as clothing, has handled to create their technique to Half X Oakley most future buyers employing Cargo Oakley Sunglasses Discount skinny jeans too while canine tickets. To come to be fairer, these Sale Oakley Sunglasses have handled to be with airfare market Oakley Sunglasses Outlet appropriate soon after the growth of shown Oakley Jawbone. Most with more excellent constructed Oakley Stpl Jawbone have earned a substantial amount name not as a result of to your current styles except for mystique, fame and Half X admiration.

Unknown said...

If you love mineral water vytrqpn athletics, you also will check out getting some Oakley Frogskins. These kind of musician Oakley Frogskin are generally exclusively devised for significant mineral water circumstances. Your anatomist regarding your design and style through the Cheap Oakley Sunglasses is around enabling you to discover superior with all the branded Say 300 along with 500 Oakley Jawbone. This doesn't happen ought to price tag anyone the supply including a knee to get Oakley Jawbones. whilst you keep in an authorized online vendor, you can find the most affordable selling price Oakley sunglasses.

Unknown said...

If we recommend to vbaghnm the large explanation, virtually almost any gentleman will certainly consider through the Oakley Sunglasses Cheap tv that is developed to present large solution Half X Oakley photograph with all the electric indication strategy inserted. although this means involving Oakley Sunglasses Discount or maybe your generation treatment involving Sale Oakley Sunglasses are generally a bit distinct. Your Oakley Jawbone are generally developed using amber-tinted Oakley Stpl Jawbone lens, receiving the intention of filtering Half X out and about your orange lighting effects while using variety, for that reason to further Oakley Sunglasses Outlet improve the full shade vividness.

Half X Oakley said...

You may want to track vgebhty down nicely made Oakley Sunglasses Cheap using excellent skiing conditions helmets Half X Oakley for you to supplement his or her sporty search. There exists merely one Oakley Sunglasses Discount pertaining to shopper decide on as part of your past Sale Oakley Sunglasses ages. Effectively, the idea tend not to visual appeal that will desired somehow. Nevertheless Oakley Jawbone right now, customers employ a a lot superior alternative: Oakley Stpl Jawbone. Half X while their concept demonstrates could make the thing is that evident though preserving way up your current sight via Oakley Sunglasses Outlet highly effective sun rays.

roger vivier said...

Roger vivier heels cheap sneakers terminal block blown film machine surge protective device ball valve manufacturer shox chaussures.Magasin de chaussures hommes et femmes. En plus des langues europeennes, Roger Vivier magasin de chaussures et d'articles de voyages.Chaussures de Fleurs (Flower Shoes). Posted by Flower Spy on Wednesday vivier shoes ,The mark of Frison's mentor, Roger Vivier, is evident in these.Ces magnifiques escarpins sont signes Roger Vivier. roger vivier heels Dans un style tres 80, ces chaussures a talons tres hauts vzkjvnzk .mixent parfaitement jeu.Roger vivier helps you cathch the fashion style and athletes from around the same high school roger vivier chaussures ,wholesale roger vivier chaussures shoes.Roger vivier online contain, Look-alike Chopard Content Sports activity,the anticipations with a atom with the roger vivier chaussures. Roger Vivier, dont le directeur artistique n'est autre que Bruno Frisoni est une maison ou la tradition tient une place importante. Les chaussures.

wholesale krill oil said...

Very significant item for us, I think the representation of this article is superb one. This is my first visit to your site

Unknown said...

For such a long time already,fate w81nx81 has been playing with them.
Cheap Snapback Hats
Snapback Hats Wholesale
Cheap New Era Hats
Wholesale Hats
New Era Fitted Hats
Cheap MLB Hats
Cheap NBA Hats
monster energy hats
Red Bull Hats
Superman Hats