Reason one: Tom Cruise. Yes, we know, he is a dumb ass. This one we apologize for. There was no excuse for us to unleash such a raving lunatic into this world. We are sorry. However, “The Last Samurai” did rock, there is no denying that.
Reason Two: Hillary Clinton. We are actually apologizing in advance for this one. Right now it is a very decent possibility that she may be elected as our next president. No good can come of that. No good at all. Expect her to be a total cunt. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Reason Three. We don’t care about soccer. To be fair, just because the rest of the world likes something so damn much they burn their cities because they won some kind of championship doesn’t mean we have to be the same way. We have our own sports we burn our cities over.
Reason Four: We drive on the wrong side of the road. Fair enough, but we are also in a different hemisphere. Wrap your mind around that one.
Reason Five: We spanked the world at the Olympics in the snowboarding competition. So, our snowboarders are just better than yours. Don’t worry, we won’t gloat over it.
Reasons Why America Should Hate The World.
Reason One: You don’t speak English. I mean, come on, respect the tourism industry. I don’t want to have to learn French for a two hour trip to Paris. It would just make everything so much easier if you all just changed your language to English. Don’t be so god damn selfish.
Reason Two: Too many of you move here. Why is it always foreign guys? Send some women! Think about it, no one would complain if it was millions of hot Mexican chicks streaming into this country everyday. Also, when you bring your women over here, don’t be surprised when we try to steal them for hot, sweaty, foreign sex. It is just what guys in different countries do to each other.
Reason Three. You blame us for what bush is doing. Just to clarify this situation, the American people have absolutely nothing to do with what the Texan is doing. Frankly, we barely even pay attention to him anymore. Who cares if he destroys the world, he is gone in three years anyways.
Reason Four: We have bigger dicks. It is true. A whore told me that once.
Reason Five: Our snowboarders kicked your asses at the Olympics. So, one chick fell. We still kicked ass at every other event. Owned.