Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Who is Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

It seems Osama Bin Laden is still in business. In a statement released to the internet today, one of his top lieutenant jackasses said that he is still alive and still leading the jihad against the west, that Muslims across the world need not worry, and that this is a joyous occasion for them all.

Hide the planes, folks, Osama is on the warpath again.

The video is said to mark the fourth anniversary of al-Qa'ida's September 11, 2001, attacks on the US. I’m not sure if anyone told them, but this is December. I guess punctuality isn’t one of their strong suits.

So, it seems we are all supposed to be shaking in our boots. The skinny Arab man who dwells in caves and hates us with all the passion of seventy seven virgins is still out there somewhere, planning and plotting his next cowardly act. Hold on while I lock my door.

Maybe someone should tell Mr. Laden that if he doesn’t have an Xbox 360 jammed up his skirt, he needs to tell his story walking. We simply don’t care anymore. We already got our hands full dealing with this Bush character and our own war, his little “Jihad” is of such little concern to us that he doesn’t even make the front page anymore.

Now, if he really wanted to get our attention, he would steal a shipment of the aforementioned 360’s, however, with his organizations sense of time, they would probably end up with a truckload full of furbys, which would serve them right.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to see this guy swing from an oak just like every other red blooded American citizen, but all the talk is getting to be a little bit ridiculous. All he is accomplishing here is giving the US government an excuse to raise the terror alert to “orange” or “purple” or whatever colors they are using nowadays to try to scare the American people into submission.

As I sit here at the beginning of the 21st century, I can’t help but wonder how history will see these events, or if it will even remember. How many of us know why WWI was fought? Other than historical scholars, probably only the people who were alive back then, all 25 of them, and this, folks, is no WWI.

Leaders on both sides of this ill fated conflict, to paraphrase the words of the great Steven Stiffler, suck donkey dick. Who sucks donkey dick? George and Osama suck donkey dick! Say it with me everyone, you know you want to.


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