Though not always, a woman is most likely to walk away before she shows you her breasts when given the two options by a random stranger after trying to add her input to the conversation. The 1% of the time she does choose option A, you are usually left asking yourself if the tits were worth her blabbering opinion anyways... Protip: the answer is always 'no'.
2. Encouraging suicide is not acceptable
Most times when you see a guy about to jump from a building or ready to take a dive off a bridge, the normal response is "It's not worth it man!", not "DO IT FAG!" Like number one, however, there are exceptions. Enron execs, Emos, and girls who gave you crabs are all fair game. In those instances, a subtle little push is not out of the question...
3. Cats are boring creatures
Without the funny captions, cats just sit around, shit, and eat foodz. Dogs are much funner to be around. They show appreciation, like to play, and will bite the shit out of anyone trying to fuck with you or steal your shit. In the latter case, a cat will just sit around, whore for attention, and maybe even help the thieves load the truck...
4. We don't show up at people's funerals just to point and laugh
If funerals were held on the internet, imageboards would be all over it. Myspace and Facebook pages are fair game though. And 99% of the time the assholes deserve it, dead or not. For some of these fucks, if it did happen in real life it would be great justice. Too bad none of us are members of the Westboro Baptist Church...
5. Pools are hardly ever closed
Whereas in some places, it is always closed. It is always because of teh AIDS. For a reason I will not state here, AIDS seems to always affect the pool. This rule, however, happens to have an exception as well. Let's all have a laugh as we watch this (surpise!) Fox news report about pools and the closing thereof...
6. When a girls disses you, your friends will help you get revenge
Another protip: you have no friends on Imageboards. Make an ill-advised personal army request and just see what happens. You may end up needing new curtains, having to buy a dog, and telling the whole thing to (suprise again!) Fox news. You're better off just posting that bitches name and number on Craigslist with the caption "Free Pussy Tonight" and just knowing the lulz will happen.
7. There are girls in real life
It's true! They are not just a rumor. You can find them in places like shopping malls and tanning salons. "But zero, what's a 'tanning salon'?" Come on dude, don't bother me with trivial questions. It is a place where cows go to get their hides branded with the name of the cowboy who owns them. What women are doing there, I have no idea.
8. Most people can be proud of the places they visit
Rules 1 and 2. Don't give me that "Only applies to raids, fag" shit either. If you think putting the name of an imageboard on a t-shirt and wearing it in public makes you cool you are sadly mistaken. The only possible outcome, other than someone kicking your ass like you deserve, is we find a pic, point, laugh, and tell you to GTFO. You don't have to say it for people to know what you mean...
9. You will not disappear simply by saying a name
Candleja...
32 comments:
Damnit Zero, your making me miss /b/
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the candlejack meme.
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