Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Hottest Peppers/Non-Peppers In The World

The Ghost Chili

Also known as the Ghost Pepper, King Cobra Chili, the Poison Chili Pepper, and it's native name "Buht Jolokia" (lol 'buht'), this chili is regarded by the Guinness Book Of World Records as the hottest fucking plant on this planet.  To give you an idea of how hot this fucker really is, it has a rating of over 1 million on the 'Scoville Scale'.  A Habanero ranks up to 350,000.  It will indeed burn your ass on the way out.  However...

Blairs 16 Million Reserve

If you think the Ghost Chili is hot, check this shit out.  The name, '16 Million Reserve' is not just a marketing tool.  It ranks fucking 16 million on the Scoville Scale.  It comes in a vial of 1 ml and you have to sign a release just to buy it, stating if you die it is your own fault.  Yes, you could die.  It is not even a 'hot sauce', it is a chemical compound.  

Blairs 6 AM

Another product from Blairs, which also retains a 16 million on the old ScoScale, this product comes with a warning: 'Avoid any and all skin contact!'  That means you don't have to actually eat it for it to fuck you up... you just have to touch it.  Or convince someone else to touch it for lulz.  

You may be looking at the above paragraphs and thinking "That ain't shit, I can handle it!"  Imagine spraying police strength pepper spray on your tongue.  Sound painful?  It really isn't, seeing as how that stuff only ranks 5.5 on the above mentioned scale.  In other words, the homegrown pepper will only fuck you up half as bad, but the Blairs... let's just say it is more than double the pain you would receive mouthing off to the Toronto Police department during a peace protest.

For something more along the lines of good hot wings, you would be better off staying away from everything I have already mentioned.  Far, far away.  Your best bet in that catagory is going with something like "Dave's Insanity".  It is up to around 180,000 on the heat scale.  Throw a couple of drops in a gallon of wing sauce (READ: 2 drops, NO MORE) and watch your friends writhe on the floor in pain at the next sporting event you host.  

A couple of years ago I had a drop of Dave's on the end of a toothpick.  Remember, this is only a fraction of the Blairs and 18/100's of the Ghost Chili.  Let's just say, for the entire next morning, I was butthurt.  You know... to hell with the text descriptions.  Let's take a look at what eating a hot pepper can do to you with visuals...

Much lulz to be had there.  Anyways, remember this; what those guys just ate was only 1/16 the power of the Chemical Compounds listed second and third respectively.  1/16.  That is the difference between being punched in the face by a cancer patient and Mike Tyson's meaner older brother who has a penchant for brass knuckles.  

Until next time, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM BLAIRS 16 MILLION PRODUCTS.  If you do happen to think you're a bad ass though, please send me the video.


Ryan said...

You're wrong. My LE OC is rated at 2 Million Scoville Heat Units.

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