Wednesday, May 13, 2009

9 Ways Sarah Palin Would Have Embarrassed Us Had McCain Been Elected

1.  Called a press conference to denounce Canada

Late one night in early January, after ordering Canadian bacon and receiving 'ham', an outraged Vice-President Palin calls a press conference to denounce anything Canadian.  When informed that hockey, her kids favorite sport that none of them plays, was indeed Canada's national pastime, she had this to say; "..."


2.  Her husband embarrassed all men

All real men paused from chopping wood and facepalmed today when Mrs. Palin's husband, what's-his-name, took five across the eyes for having an opinion in front of his wife earlier today.  When asked for a comment, White House spokesman Rush Limbaugh held his tongue lest he be the next victim of the SarahSlap Express...


3.  Tried to drive to Puerto Rico

Awkward silence reigned early this afternoon as the Vice-Presidential motorcade halted in South Florida and embarrassingly had to turn around after finding out that Puerto Rico was actually farther from the coastline than the three inches shown on the map.  An unflinching Sarah Palin just shrugged and demanded the driver take her to Guatemala instead, since they were in the neighborhood...


4.  Tried to vote in the Senate

Former Presidential candidate, Senator Barrack Obama, in a long speech, explained to Vice-President Palin late last week that she actually couldn't vote on anything in the senate.  Her insistence that she was the 'leader' and he should just 'Respect her athoriti!' fell on deaf ears as the other senators were too busy laughing at Joe Biden's behind-the-podium mocking of all parties involved. 


5.  Had daughter's baby's daddy fired from being American

In a bold move this morning, the guy who knocked up the Vice-President's daughter was given his walking papers and a job mowing lawns in Siberia.  When asked for a comment, the VP's daughter immediately slept with the first reporter who asked and is now pregnant by some blogger in Pennsylvania.


6.  Declared war on teh interwebz

The internet collective laughed out loud for real last Thursday when Sarah 'a pig can wear lipstick' Palin declared war and sent troops to 'the tubez'.  Military leaders, while baffled at the decision, armed themselves with keyboards and got ready for battle.  "We will fight them, I guess in the forums?" a random General, who refused to be named, was heard to say...  


7.  Spent the stimulus money on dresses

Reports that the much awaited stimulus package set to be sent to taxpayers was spent on 'dresses and other pretty stuff' outraged reporters and the public alike early this weekend.  Fox news, however, complimented the Vice-President on her choices of accessories in a special report Sunday night.  While Tom Brokaw asked "What the fuck shit fuck shit?", Fox Reporter Sean Hannity chastised viewers for being poor.


8.  Mistaked China for Japan, condemned all Nintendo products as 'Communist'

In a move that shocked and confused little kids and adults alike, Vice-President Sarah Palin outlawed all sales of the popular Nintendo Wii a few hours ago, commenting that 'those commies will no longer be allowed to pedal their wares to our young children!"  When told that Japan was not a communist country and... 'um... wtf?', she promptly responded by citing John McCains war record and saying the words 'hockey mom' 15 times before the news reporters just decided 'fuck it, I'm going home."   


9.  New email address: vicepresident@yahoo.com

Armed with a new password question that she swore no one would ever guess, VP Palin opened up her new free account last Tuesday and began sending notices to all her MySpace friends.  Three hours later, her entire contact list was sent pictures of herpes infected penises.  A 16 year old from Omaha was arrested Wednesday morning and sent to GITMO pending charges of 'Using Wikipedia for acts of terrorism'.   

18 comments:

icosahedron of Fate said...

entirely to believable

Anonymous said...

That was very funy, I'm guessing this are the actual things that Joe the alcoholic Biden has done? I'm sure Joe has embarrassed us in 900 ways already, What an embarrassment that man is and it shows Obama's very poor judgement in choosing him. Both are losers.

Gary said...

Who writes this blog, a fuckin' two 6 year old?

Hey dumbass, Obama has embarrassed this nation in over 110 different ways, at LEAST one for every day in office!

If Sarah Palin were in charge, she'd already have our economy turned around, and shit working like it's supposed to.

This empty suit moron Obama has never run a lemonade stand, and never held a real job! He is the very definition of rookie loser!

At least on January 20, 2013, when Sarah Palin takes the Oath Of Office, as President of the United States, our long nightmare of incompetence, will be over!

Anonymous said...

You are one sick person :(

Go get a job, go to church, or lick the asphalt on the freeway.

Anonymous said...

You are disgusting. And fearful of Sarah Palin's executive experience and ever-growing support.

Anonymous said...

And you think Obama, Michelle and Joe Biden haven't already embarrassed us in a little over 100days??? Where have you been living the past 100 days??

Anonymous said...

What a waste of time to read this garbage. Some juvenile dreaming of ways to put down Sarah Palin so his teen idol (Obama) won't look so bad. We won't even mention Biden, that would be too easy.

Nancy Green said...

geez-- i thought it was funny. seems to upset the Sarah Palin fan club though.

Jillista said...

You weren't wrong - Sarah's attack on teh interwebs has started - with her minions commenting right here. Watch out - Bob is on his way to tell you that you Photoshopped this.

liuyanqiu918 said...

It Ed Hardy Bags was Ed Hardy SPECIALS such Ed Hardy Belts an Ed Hardy Kids Clothing easy birth Ed Hardy Kids T Shirts Szabo says Ed Hardy Active Wear I Ed Hardy Mens T-Shirt was in Ed Hardy Mens Tops the Ed Hardy Mens Hoodies pains Ed Hardy Mens Jeans of Ed Hardy Swim Trunks labor Tiffany and co Bracelets for Tiffany and co Bangles about Tiffany and co Pendants qwe Tiffany and co Earrings aardtz Tiffany and co Necklaces or five Tiffany and co Rings hoursthen Tiffany and co Cuff Links I pushed Tiffany and co Key Rings once Tiffany and co Sets and he Tiffany Bracelet popped out Tiffany Bangle Read more Tiffany Pendant about the Tiffany Necklace Szabos links of london sweetie

weddingdresses said...

I Know Power Balance bracelet is very popular in US.
And so many wholesalers buy power balance bracelet and silly bandz from us for Christmas' gifts.
vist:www.brandshoes2trade.com
do not miss this good chance. We feel confident that you can do some profitable business with our products

bailey said...

You can purchase a pandora jewelry that has a photo in it of the pandora bracelets children that a mom adores as an ideal pandora bracelet gift for any mom in your pandora bracelets sale life.Pandora are another cheap pandora bracelets idea when it comes to choosing the perfect pandora bracelets on sale gift from mom. Pandora are not only buy pandora bracelets online attractive, but they are also functional pandora charms and can also be made with cheap pandora charms birthstones as well as carry other symbolic meaning for pandora charms sale mom.One idea that you may pandora charm want to consider when you are pandora charms online looking for pandora charms bracelet jewelry gift ideas is a birthstone pandora charms for bracelets that has the birthstones of all of her children.

2011bagnews said...

ray ban 3186 are usually smooth. they're made having a streamlined look. one more pattern may be the wraparound Ray ban sunglasses.They are pretty well-liked amidst sports activities personalities generally because of its futuristic appeal. These wraparound ray ban 3212 typically have polycarbonate lens and sturdy grip to produce total vision security accompanied using the awesome and classy look. dfgkcxy0rtw The display is immensely common and has led towards the generation of the really personal manufacturer title ray ban 3269 , amongst other products and solutions which include a movie game.All Ray ban sunglasses lens are created of shatter evidence polycarbonate and offer 100% ultra violet protection. So, even as you have older,
ray ban 3322 you can even now ride the street with obvious and sharp vision.Every pair of genuine Orange County Ray ban sunglasses arrives with it's personal leather-based bound case. several huge and well-liked custom homes on a regular basis roll-out their ray ban 3359 ranges that are prepared with exceptional vision gear, ideal acuity, and assortment of features.

MulberryNews said...

Even 1 man can certainly vftbieg adorn when using the Oakley Frogskins sundry forms of colour Cheap Oakley Sunglasses supports from reddish colored, purple, brown leafy, azure so forth. pick your almost sort in addition to present it clear of with beneficial panache. Oakley Frogskin aren't only for vogue and serve as a general protective shield with the eyes. eye projectiles Oakley Jawbone are gentle and ought to be used focus of when using the most useful excellent merchandise. getting that aspects note, the artisan Oakley Jawbones are greatest concerning most useful defense in addition to elegance.

MulberryNews said...

To find out precisely how vytrqpn very good Oakley bifoval Oakley Frogskins are generally, we've got to determine what are generally Oakley Frogskin 1st. you can easliy discover this specific off their brand: large explanation Cheap Oakley Sunglasses. These are Oakley sunglasses providing you developing a plenty sharper eye-sight. Truly, Oakley Jawbone is mostly a variety of Oakley sunglasses along with Oakleys, along with the Oakley Jawbones, that is simple with the large explanation sun glasses, point out to make available supreme lucidity including a further dazzling globe to the users.

Half X Oakley said...

Zero matter precisely what vgebhty target you would like to decide on way up your current Oakley Frogskins pertaining to, you'll be able to simply track down valuable Oakley Frogskin, exclusively made in whole acquiescence for ones made to order features. A new correct occasion involving significant productivity technological innovation, significant fashion, along with invincible excellent are generally depicted by simply almost Cheap Oakley Sunglasses involving brand name Oakley Jawbone. Aside from smartening way up your current seems to be, Oakley Jawbones in addition provide incomparable technological innovation.

roger vivier said...

Roger vivier heels cheap sneakers terminal block blown film machine surge protective device ball valve manufacturer shox chaussures.Magasin de chaussures hommes et femmes. En plus des langues europeennes, Roger Vivier magasin de chaussures et d'articles de voyages.Chaussures de Fleurs (Flower Shoes). Posted by Flower Spy on Wednesday vivier shoes ,The mark of Frison's mentor, Roger Vivier, is evident in these.Ces magnifiques escarpins sont signes Roger Vivier. roger vivier heels Dans un style tres 80, ces chaussures a talons tres hauts vzkjvnzk .mixent parfaitement jeu.Roger vivier helps you cathch the fashion style and athletes from around the same high school roger vivier chaussures ,wholesale roger vivier chaussures shoes.Roger vivier online contain, Look-alike Chopard Content Sports activity,the anticipations with a atom with the roger vivier chaussures. Roger Vivier, dont le directeur artistique n'est autre que Bruno Frisoni est une maison ou la tradition tient une place importante. Les chaussures.

qinbincai123 said...

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,And he jus81ds whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
Wholesale Cheap Hats
Cheap New Era Hats
Wholesale New Era Hats
New Era Hats
Cheap New Era Hats Wholesale