Imagine if the night of the living dead took place right outside of jurassic park. Scenario: One of the mindless zombies wanders into a pack of velociraptors and gets torn to shreds. The raptors start to bite their buddies. 20 minutes later... we are all fucked.
Raptors are seriously pretty bad ass on their own. Add the undead quality and insatiable appetite for brains to their razor sharp claws and lighting quickness and what you are left with is something that would make even the great Leonidas himself run away crying like an alter boy from the Vatican date night.
Roaming packs of velociprator zombies would seriously effect the balance of humans to velociraptor zombies on this planet. Those who aren't decimated in the first wave of attacks would definitely end up dying of "I-shit-my-pants-so-bad-I-keeled-over-dead". Trust me, the latter is NOT the best way to go.
Only Solution: Super awesome raptor-zombie killing laser guns
Vampire Sharks with wings
Dracula gets stuck at sea and tries to bite a shark, who then proceeds to own his undead ass and drain all the demon blood from his body. Him and his buddies proceed to bite each other... then, evolution shows up and gives the shark reptiles wings.
There are only two things that can kill a vampire: sun and a stake to the heart. The thickness of the sharks skin rules out the sun. It also nearly rules out anyone thinking they are bad ass enough to try the stake to the heart thing. If any amongst us did pull out enough balls to try such a thing, well... we would remember him well. Or as a dumb ass. Most likely the latter.
Most of us would rather drink Drano than deal with one of these flying torpedos of blood sucking hatred. You might be safe if you live in a desert far far away from the sea, at least until evolution figures that one out too.
Solution: Super-smart flying super-sharp treetrunk missiles
Super Sized Tarantula Navy SEALS
Let's just say the government was experimenting with training tarantulas to infultrate terrorist hideouts and kill everyone inside. One day a drunk scientist spills a vial of supersize serum on the latest graduating class of the SEAL school for spider soldiers. Then they drink some angry juice. Then... it is on like Donkey Kong.
Large tarantulas are bad enough as it is, give them the training to take out a battalion of soldiers between four of them... oh ya, and the angry juice... and we are pretty much up shit creek with toothpicks for paddles. The worst part is: you won't even know your dead until the large spider straw already has half your guts sucked out. Oh, and because of the angry juice, they will probably berate you the entire time.
Of course, those of us who happen to have large vats of spider spray in our backyards might be safe... if we can catch them without their gas masks. However, considering the logistics of such a thing, any laymen can tell you were pretty much ass-raped on that plan.
Solution: Chainsaws... lots of chainsaws
Rogue Pirate Gigantosaurus Ninjas
Don't even ask me how these would come about. The effects, however, of large teeth filed killing machines showing up at port, raping women, stealing all the gold, eating everything in sight, and doing it so quietly that no one ever knew what happened, would be, well... since all of us are dead and none of us knew what happened, pretty much nil. At least there wold be nothing for us to discuss...
Those of us lucky enough to get caught in the first wave will get the added bonus of not having to know what's coming. The ones who do know what's coming will still be pretty much in the dark due to the fact these things are not only killer dinosaurs and righteous pirates, but also ninjas who leave no trace. Im sure, however, there would be video on YouTube.
Solution: A big fat joint and tall building to jump off
At first it would be a source of great hilarity... these tiny little robots telling us "Give me your clothes". The jokes would end however, when one of the little bastards got in through your ear and started pulling brain stems from spinal cords like it was their job.
Soon they would master the use of thumbtacks and small, rusty nails. Every time you stomp on one he would slither his way into your blood stream and not only eat your cancer, but every other piece of protein based meat in your body (Read: all). Christian Bale could yell at them all day long, questioning their professionalism and threatening to get them fired from the set. Alas, that shit only works on key grips and drunken sailors.
Solution: Not Christian Bale, that's for sure
12/21/12: Google becomes self-aware
I know what you're thinking... "How can Google be worse than Velocirapter Zombies?" Well, First velociraptor zombies don't know everything about you. Your purchases, the news sites you like, your sick porn search history... By 2012, every single man, woman, and child on earth will be in Google's database, unless they are poor and don't matter anyways.
Ask yourself this: What would you do if Google demanded your allegiance? Switch to Yahoo? That isn't even an option. You would cry like a politician without pork and kill whomever it told you to in order to get those sweet, sweet search results. It's like crack man. Nuclear codes would be freely given (As if they don't have those already) and all who don't have a Gmail account will be forsaken. How many times do you hit Google a day? Nuff said.
Solution: Nothing, bow to the Google God!