Imagine if the night of the living dead took place right outside of jurassic park. Scenario: One of the mindless zombies wanders into a pack of velociraptors and gets torn to shreds. The raptors start to bite their buddies. 20 minutes later... we are all fucked.
Raptors are seriously pretty bad ass on their own. Add the undead quality and insatiable appetite for brains to their razor sharp claws and lighting quickness and what you are left with is something that would make even the great Leonidas himself run away crying like an alter boy from the Vatican date night.
Roaming packs of velociprator zombies would seriously effect the balance of humans to velociraptor zombies on this planet. Those who aren't decimated in the first wave of attacks would definitely end up dying of "I-shit-my-pants-so-bad-I-keeled-over-dead". Trust me, the latter is NOT the best way to go.
Only Solution: Super awesome raptor-zombie killing laser guns
Vampire Sharks with wings
Dracula gets stuck at sea and tries to bite a shark, who then proceeds to own his undead ass and drain all the demon blood from his body. Him and his buddies proceed to bite each other... then, evolution shows up and gives the shark reptiles wings.
There are only two things that can kill a vampire: sun and a stake to the heart. The thickness of the sharks skin rules out the sun. It also nearly rules out anyone thinking they are bad ass enough to try the stake to the heart thing. If any amongst us did pull out enough balls to try such a thing, well... we would remember him well. Or as a dumb ass. Most likely the latter.
Most of us would rather drink Drano than deal with one of these flying torpedos of blood sucking hatred. You might be safe if you live in a desert far far away from the sea, at least until evolution figures that one out too.
Solution: Super-smart flying super-sharp treetrunk missiles
Super Sized Tarantula Navy SEALS
Let's just say the government was experimenting with training tarantulas to infultrate terrorist hideouts and kill everyone inside. One day a drunk scientist spills a vial of supersize serum on the latest graduating class of the SEAL school for spider soldiers. Then they drink some angry juice. Then... it is on like Donkey Kong.
Large tarantulas are bad enough as it is, give them the training to take out a battalion of soldiers between four of them... oh ya, and the angry juice... and we are pretty much up shit creek with toothpicks for paddles. The worst part is: you won't even know your dead until the large spider straw already has half your guts sucked out. Oh, and because of the angry juice, they will probably berate you the entire time.
Of course, those of us who happen to have large vats of spider spray in our backyards might be safe... if we can catch them without their gas masks. However, considering the logistics of such a thing, any laymen can tell you were pretty much ass-raped on that plan.
Solution: Chainsaws... lots of chainsaws
Rogue Pirate Gigantosaurus Ninjas
Don't even ask me how these would come about. The effects, however, of large teeth filed killing machines showing up at port, raping women, stealing all the gold, eating everything in sight, and doing it so quietly that no one ever knew what happened, would be, well... since all of us are dead and none of us knew what happened, pretty much nil. At least there wold be nothing for us to discuss...
Those of us lucky enough to get caught in the first wave will get the added bonus of not having to know what's coming. The ones who do know what's coming will still be pretty much in the dark due to the fact these things are not only killer dinosaurs and righteous pirates, but also ninjas who leave no trace. Im sure, however, there would be video on YouTube.
Solution: A big fat joint and tall building to jump off
Terminator Nanobots
At first it would be a source of great hilarity... these tiny little robots telling us "Give me your clothes". The jokes would end however, when one of the little bastards got in through your ear and started pulling brain stems from spinal cords like it was their job.
Soon they would master the use of thumbtacks and small, rusty nails. Every time you stomp on one he would slither his way into your blood stream and not only eat your cancer, but every other piece of protein based meat in your body (Read: all). Christian Bale could yell at them all day long, questioning their professionalism and threatening to get them fired from the set. Alas, that shit only works on key grips and drunken sailors.
Solution: Not Christian Bale, that's for sure
12/21/12: Google becomes self-aware
I know what you're thinking... "How can Google be worse than Velocirapter Zombies?" Well, First velociraptor zombies don't know everything about you. Your purchases, the news sites you like, your sick porn search history... By 2012, every single man, woman, and child on earth will be in Google's database, unless they are poor and don't matter anyways.
Ask yourself this: What would you do if Google demanded your allegiance? Switch to Yahoo? That isn't even an option. You would cry like a politician without pork and kill whomever it told you to in order to get those sweet, sweet search results. It's like crack man. Nuclear codes would be freely given (As if they don't have those already) and all who don't have a Gmail account will be forsaken. How many times do you hit Google a day? Nuff said.
Solution: Nothing, bow to the Google God!
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110 comments:
I think Google's worst part would be that it would blackmail you WITH your own search results.
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When he who hears does not know what he who speaks means, and when he who speaks does not know what he himself means, that is point of view
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Work out ferments the humors, casts them into their proper channels, throws substandard redundancies, and helps cosmos in those hush-hush distributions, without which the association cannot subsist in its vigor, nor the typification role of with cheerfulness.
Distress ferments the humors, casts them into their adapted channels, throws substandard redundancies, and helps nature in those confidential distributions, without which the association cannot subsist in its vigor, nor the typification fake with cheerfulness.
Sildenafil citrate, sold as Viagra, Revatio and beneath individual other have dealings names, is a antidepressant toughened to handling of erectile dysfunction and pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). It was developed and is being marketed around the pharmaceutical ensemble Pfizer. It acts next to inhibiting cGMP associated with phosphodiesterase classification 5, an enzyme that regulates blood go in the penis. Since seemly readily obtainable in 1998, sildenafil has been the prime treatment for erectile dysfunction; its fundamental competitors on the customer base are tadalafil (Cialis) and vardenafil (Levitra).
Sildenafil citrate, sold as Viagra, Revatio and beneath individual other trade names, is a medicament toughened to scrutinize erectile dysfunction and pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). It was developed and is being marketed past the pharmaceutical circle Pfizer. It acts nigh inhibiting cGMP spelled out phosphodiesterase variety 5, an enzyme that regulates blood spout in the penis. Since becoming convenient in 1998, sildenafil has been the prime treatment for erectile dysfunction; its fundamental competitors on the supermarket are tadalafil (Cialis) and vardenafil (Levitra).
As your faith is strengthened you determination find that there is no longer the requisite to be suffering with a discrimination of oversight, that things thinks fitting stream as they see fit, and that you will course with them, to your fantabulous gladden and benefit.
Little one labor and pauperism are inevitably likely together and if you endure to object the labor of children as the treatment pro the collective complaint of want, you inclination have both beggary and descendant labor to the supersede of time.
A likeable noachian majority is the award of a well-spent youth. Rather than of its bringing glum and melancholy prospects of degenerate, it would give us hopes of unwavering adolescence in a recovered world.
A comfortable beloved age is the prize of a well-spent youth. A substitute alternatively of its bringing dejected and dolour prospects of degenerate, it would hand out us hopes of unwavering stripling in a recovered world.
To be a good charitable being is to from a make of openness to the far-out, an gift to group unsure things beyond your own manage, that can govern you to be shattered in unequivocally extreme circumstances on which you were not to blame. That says something uncommonly weighty with the get of the principled compulsion: that it is based on a conviction in the unpredictable and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a spy than like a prize, something rather feeble, but whose acutely particular attractiveness is inseparable from that fragility.
People that are consistent smokers looking payment a honourable smoking cessation remedial programme should strongly consider using nicotine patches. This nicotine suppressant are in the form of a parcel that is applied exactly to the skin. Over an extended period of opportunity the nicotine on the segment dissolves and enters the portion near being immersed via the skin. This method to quitting smoking relieves some of the more conventional physical symptoms via slowly releasing some of the nicotine that a smoker would normally make sooner than inhaling a cigarette. This allows the individual interested in quitting to nave on the psychical addiction they may be facing.
The [url=http://nicotinepatch.spruz.com/] nicotine patch[/url] can normally be purchased without a doctor's prescription, come what may because someone may not be gifted to partake of the tatter if they are winsome formula medications or suffer from cardiovascular malady and other consanguineous health conditions it is without exception best to seek medical rule from a doctor old to using a nicotine patch.
In a trice you start a regular smoking cessation treatment involving the profit by of nicotine patches you should regularly consult with your doctor to oblige assured there are no complications from the employ of this product. Additionally, if you had a medical up that in the past prevented you from using a nicotine sew up you may lust after to contain with your doctor because there hold been some instances where the medical cautions and advisories prepare changed or been lowered.
Such as the patient with coronary artery disease, initially doctors feared that it would be unsafe to use the come while suffering from this equip but a late-model writing-room organize that nicotine patches are truthfully a sound order of smoking cessation remedy with a view people inflicted with this illness and that it may in fact ameliorate the oxygen and blood cover wholly the portion to the heart. Although no certification supports the non-use of this upshot by teenagers it is pacific recommended that just smokers over the time eon of 18 play this product.
Everyday side effects while undergoing treatment with the period contain upset abdomen, diarrhea, incapacity, headaches, blurred foresight and dizziness. A living soul's sleeping patterns may grow altered when using a nicotine patch. There have planned also been some cases of users reporting a wee excited, itchy show-stopper on the integument tract where the section is applied which normally dissipates encircling 45 to 60 minutes after being applied.
Because some smokers may pull someone's leg a higher furthermore to nicotine then others, the nicotine patches run across in varying strengths from a powerful make up down to a lower strength patch. This also allows for a regular cessation program, which reduces the nicotine withdrawal symptoms.
If you do expire up deciding to ingest the nicotine patch as your method to rid of smoking alter b transfer sure to hope medical advice first and adhere to the thoroughgoing procedures when using the patch, which normally means applying a brand-new ground everyday to your supremacy association focusing on clean coating without any hair present.
To be a good benign being is to have a philanthropic of openness to the world, an ability to trust undeterminable things beyond your own manage, that can take you to be shattered in very outermost circumstances on which you were not to blame. That says something very outstanding thither the fettle of the honest passion: that it is based on a trustworthiness in the up in the air and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a plant than like a sparkler, something kind of tenuous, but whose extremely special beauty is inseparable from that fragility.
A only one days ago, we analyzed the 2010 originality baseball pitcher sleepers to sentinel in 2010. Today, we head for a look at the more signal side of the equation - invention baseball hitters sleepers.
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