Why Are Some People Afraid of The Internet?

We all know at least one person who fits this profile: owns a computer, has internet access, and uses it for one specific thing with the unyielding viewpoint that if he goes anywhere else online he will catch a virus or have his personal information discovered by a hacker and sold to the highest bidding Nigerian.  It could be email, Facebook, or a game that draws the subject online... regardless of why they are here, that is why they are here god dammit and they will NOT under any circumstances stray from the safe place they know to venture into the rest of the dark, seedy, cold, riff-raff-infested World Wide Web.

We know there are people out there like this.  Some of them are lurking this very sentence as we speak.  They will not contribute to the comment section nor even vote on the social website they happened here from.  Some will even go so far as to swear they caught a virus from the picture of the half naked chick in the bottom right corner.  

It is hard to believe there are people who surf the web without wantonly grabbing porn whenever they can, downloading movies like a madman swings an axe, or telling off every son-of-a-bitch whose two cents are the wrong shade of grey each time they read a news story.  The internet is a social community of people who communicate and share, but moreover, it is a community of silent participants often exiled to one site or specific task without a care in the world what goes on anywhere else no matter how many free pieces of bacon are involved.

Have you ever been to a friends house and tried to show him something awesome or funny on the web and the first thing he says is "Don't give me a virus, man..."?

A number of these people are gamers.  World of Warcraft is the main culprit.  Yes, I'm calling you out, WoWcrack addicts!  That game is made for you to forsake the rest of your flesh breathing life, let alone the entirety of the rest of the internet.  Not every WoWcracker is guilty of it, but if you are one you must ask yourself... am I?

Facebook and Twitter are two other loathsome trends, in the footsteps of Myspace, to lure otherwise non-social people into the cavities of internet ignorance.  A year ago, everyone had a Myspace.  People I couldn't even fathom using a computer were telling me "Add me on Myspace!"  This year the same is true with Facebook and Twitter.  Mark my words: sites like this are going to ruin the goddamn web.

Then you have the dreary people who only get online to check their emails.  Every now and then they will get an email that makes them laugh, that originated in 2003, and they will chuckle and go about their lives watching TV.  They are harmless.  Some of them are also Nigerian.  Regardless, you don't want either to get a hold of your email address.  They will either want to forward you a joke that ceased to be funny in the eighties or their father the prince just died and they need money.

On the other hand, there are forum goers and social news site users... and imageboards.  People who absolutely have no aversion to clicking on anything at all.  It could be a homeless man fucking a dead cat... or a dead cat fucking a homeless man.  It could go either way these days.  Whatever does it for you.  

We are the very same people who make the internet scary for the others.  Some people have never seen goatse, and even though I believe seeing what cannot be unseen makes you a bit of a better person, not everyone gets the subtle humor.  Some see stuff like this and leave the internet never to return.  Others... well, post that sort of stuff.

The internet is web based multi-player notepad.  Of course, like anything else, some would have a phobia towards it.  As the many other things in this world people fear, there is even a name for it.  And symptoms.  Bad ones.  Really.  This website here say's you can get hyperactive bowels, shaking, and a desire to flee.  The only treatment?  Contact the Indian dude who built the site on instant messenger and he will talk you through it.  Seriously.

For the rest of us, Nazi zombies are attacking the Lincoln Memorial.  Sarah Palin is naked, a zombie, and half drunk driving a tractor down the street.  She is trying to rape you with her penis.  Discuss.