First of all, any list such as this should have bullet points. BULLET POINTS GOD DAMMIT! Take note of these and how important it makes this article look.
- Bullet points are fucking awesome
- They make points like this and shit
- You don't have to use periods
- But you should use proper punctuation and grammar
Enough with the bullet points. We will use them in the future, however, so I figured a good, strong introduction was in order, but this article is about trollin'.
You may think trolling is something that is only done by sick twisted serial killers and old bored grandmas. You would be wrong. Some of todays most popular and powerful people are nothing but really successful trolls.
There is a fine art to trolling that most people overlook. THERE ARE RULEZ TO THIS SHIT MAN! Don't fuck around. One false move and you will be banished to the valley of the fail, and you don't want that. They don't have any god damn 7-11's anywhere near that shit.
First of all, you must know where to troll. You can't just choose any old website. Many a fucker has found himself pissing in an ocean of piss. It is also no fun if you are caught on the wrong side of a ban without a proxy within the first five minutes. More on proxies... later.
This is a good one. The personal ads are just oozing with potential lulz. Try it one time; get a throwaway email account, post as a chick, find a picture of a girl that is cute but still too fat for real life, say you are looking for casual sex, and sit back and wait for the fun to roll in.
Youtube is one of the other 'easiest places in the world to troll'. Millions of people that visit that site everyday are just waiting to be riled up into a shitstorm by some asshole with a camera... or some celebrity with a funny looking religion and a massive tumor in his anal cavity... or cheese. It could happen.
MORE BULLET POINTS!
- Religion is always an easy troll. Anytime people mention it the thread becomes prime breeding ground for lulz. Sometimes they will argue with you for weeks, even months, before they realize they have been had.
- Sometimes, you can use periods in bullet points.
- If the old fallback religion doesn't work, there is always politics. For the last 8 years, Democrats have been the trolls. Now it is the Republicans turn. See how that works?
- Question marks are also acceptable.
- Five bullet points is enough.
Using images during a troll can be an effective tool, but can also rouse suspicion. You don't want to be discovered too soon. Images should be used only in the closing moments... and only after you have already been accused of rabble-rousing. Remember, the right image at the right time can close out a troll perfectly, with much more dramatic license than any simple comment ever could.
Graphs are good too
While bullet points are all fine and good, graphs complete the fap. Check out this next graph and see how professional it makes the article look. Revel in it. Not too much though. You sick bastard.
I promised you we would get to this, and we have now. See how I set that up and came back to it later on? It was awesome, huh? I'll bet you think I'm the best thing since Barack Obama sliced some bread in the White House. I know, I know. Well, that's enough about proxies.
Just kidding. A troll needs proxies like a nun needs a virgin snatch. Sure, there are some that go without them, but they are just dirty whores whose filthy slut ways will have them burn in hell for all eternity. That would be you too, if you choose to risk your real IP to some hair brained admin with a stick up his ass for making you pay.
I read something interesting the other day. "Either you die as an admin or you live long enough to see yourself become a troll". I would accredit it to someone, but I'm not sure who. Either way, I don't want anyone thinking I am taking credit for saying it. I didn't. But as far as the truth in it, I can attest. The best trolls have been admins at one time or the other.
Facebook and Twitter
Sites like this are getting increasingly harder to troll. You have to sign up for an account, make a page, then wait for people to friend you. Even then, if you are bothersome people can just delete you from their list. These sites are a troll dead end and should be avoided not only by us but by every living, breathing human on this planet. They give you AIDS.
Now... I'm not the best troll in the world. Maybe not even fifth best. * SEALAB 2021 REFERENCE* If you just got that joke, award yourself millions upon millions of tiny litte, beautiful, wonderful internets. If you didn't, punch yourself in the face and go stick your penis down the up-spout of a hornets nest, you lame cracker ass bastard.
Depending on the technique, how it's used, and where you are, spamming can make you most annoying. IRC and other instant messenger clients are rife with such activities. This angers some people immensely. Anger = win for a troll. Kicked = epic win. For what to do next, refer to 'proxy'.
To be found here. Sign up for an account, number of forwards, and where to send them. This means you don't have to sign up for a new email account every time you decide to stroke the eternal fire of internet hate. An indispensable tool to pirates and ninjas alike, this can save you precious time with the aforementioned Craigslist troll... if you aren't planning on answering any of the emails. But that's no fun, so it's probably better to just use this service for fake forum accounts.
You just can never have enough graphs. Or maybe you can. Never mind, no more graphs. Instead, Xibit...
Stoned people may be even easier to bunch up panties on than religious freaks. Stoner discussion boards are particularly easy, due to the fact that they all have strong beliefs about legalizing and will swarm like vultures when seeing anything on their site stating otherwise. Like vultures I tell you... around a big, stinky, maggot infested piece of troll bait.
Social Bookmark Sites
By far the most fertile troll breeding ground outside of image boards, these places are ripe for trollin'. The only problem is this; other trolls know this too and are prevalent. It is often hard to discern whether you have just trolled or been trolled. The good ratio of serious people to troll makes it prime real estate, but it also means you run the risk of failing so hard you divide by zero and break the god damn internet for everyone.
Unlike the above mentioned sites, in these places there is no question; you have just been trolled. These things are like the Sparta of trollage. Every single comment is someone trolling, being trolled, or trolling everyone else and himself at the same time. Why? Because... shut up. * ANOTHER SEALAB 2021 REFERENCE, THIS ARTICLE IS RIFE WITH THEM! * If you got that one, and you are sick and tired of hearing about it already, you have been trolled.
Memes are a tool that any troll worth his salt will utilize heartily. The key, however, is to use them with such subtly that even the great zombie of Sherlock Holmes himself couldn't figure out what the fuck you are talking about until the very end. Over 9000 of them. Losing the game. Rick Astley.
The last line of the last paragraph would be what is known as epic fail. Generally, you want to avoid such situations, however, I did so to put it in context so you could understand what the fuck I am saying, yo.
You will, however, suffer fail when trolling if you do so long enough. It is something that happens to all of us. Don't take it too hard. Just kidding. You should actually kill yourself now, you worthless piece of shit. lol
This universal acronym can be used as a comeback that is always win. No matter what anyone says to you, how deep and scathingly truthful their argument can be, or even how many guys are trying to fight you off, lol announces your presence as a troll and lets everyone know they have been had with three simple letters. Other trolls will just sit back and laugh, while the more serious folks will be angered beyond even turning into the hulk. Once the responses to you begin to resemble dissertations instead of simple internet posts, win is yours.
I am now randomly placing what should have been near the top of the article... near the bottom. Why? Because I am the writer and can do what I want. Do you want to write the rest of this article? No? Then shut the fuck up and read.
IMDB is the third of the easiest sites to troll. Pick a random movie board and have at it. Remember to use the Trashmail when making your account there in case you're banned. Some users have been known to call out trolls, but since the site is so huge it is really tough to discern. I suspect on this board, the Will Smith posts... well, yeah. The Chuck Norris posts, however, are just faggotry.
In the end, you will decide for yourself when and where it is best for you to troll. You have to look within your soul to see what works for you, just like when fapping. Think of this guide as simply some more words you read on the internet this one time. Or fap to it, I don't care.